i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
