i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
