...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
