Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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