Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
