well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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