Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
