Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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