Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
