I hate your face
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
