She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm like, not good at living.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
