Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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