I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
