Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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