There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
