You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
