She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
