he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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