Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize