she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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