I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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