You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
