Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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