Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
