That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
