i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
