Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
