Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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