the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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