The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
