I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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