I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Randomize
