Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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