I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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