For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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