There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
false alarm, still single
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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