So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
