I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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