You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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