well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
