yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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