Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
