Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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