got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i think my cat just said my name.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize