two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
