You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
