we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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