It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
