Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
