I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
