R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
