I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
