Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
