I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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