This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
