I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
