I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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