nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
