don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
