Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
