You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
