as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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