Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he shaved USA in his pubs
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
