she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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